Everybody Is Afraid Of Something
by VintageKindaGal
Summary: Mrs Hughes is afraid. But will she tell Mr Carson why?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to Julian Fellowes.**

**A.N.:** **This is my first fanfic, after reading all of the Carson/Hughes stories on this I site I really wanted to have a go myself :) I apologise in advance if it's terrible but I've had this plot in my mind for some time and had to write it. But I do hope you like it. **

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Mrs Hughes sat down with a sigh in her sitting room, where she decided to go to escape the noise of the servant's hall. It had been raining nonstop all day and so the damp laundry had had to be hung in the scullery and in the kitchen. Of course when the housemaids had begun to hang the laundry in the kitchen they were met with a furious Mrs Patmore demanding that they take it down immediately. Mrs Hughes then had to try and persuade Mrs Patmore to allow the housemaids to continue hanging the washing, it took a very tiring half an hour to do so, which left her feeling very deflated and drained.

As she began to relax with a cup of tea, Elsie Hughes could hear the rest of the staff bidding each other goodnight as they made their way wearily to bed. She finished her tea and placed the empty cup and saucer on the small table beside her and lay back into her arm chair. She closed her eyes, feeling glad that another tiring day had come to an end, listening to the rain vigorously pounding the window pane outside her sitting room. Just as she was beginning to fall into a peaceful sleep there was a knock on her door, she sat up and self-consciously pated her hair back into place before inviting the man on the other side of the door in.

"Come in." She called, smiling warmly as she waited for Mr Carson to enter the room.

"Ah Mr Hughes, I thought I'd say goodnight as it's been a very long and tiring day."

"That it has Mr Carson, I've had Mrs Patmore complaining all day about the laundry hanging in the kitchen and then we had the usual argument over the key to the store cupboard." She sighed with exasperation.

"So it has also been a very trying day." He commented with a smile.

She smiled in return. No matter how down, tired or angry she felt he never failed to make her smile. Just seeing him smile transformed him from the stern butler into the soft and gentle Charles Carson, although not many people got to see this side of him, Elsie felt happy that he allowed the butler façade to drop when around her. Elsie had realised that she felt a lot more for him than a housekeeper ought to for her butler and had accepted the fact that she was in love with Charles Carson many years ago, but how long she had felt that way she could not answer. However these feelings for him had been locked away inside for the fear of rejection, she felt that it would much for her to be able to take, knowing it would be impossible for him to return her love.

"Yes, very trying indeed," they both laughed quietly, "Well, I think I'll turn in too, before I fall asleep in my chair." She replied, getting to her feet.

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As Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson left her sitting room, Charles informed her that he had to check the back door to the servant's hall, as she made her way to bed. He smiled to himself as her watched her ascend the stairs to the servant's sleeping quarters, thinking that she was as beautiful now as she was when she first came to Downton. Like Elsie, Charles had loved from afar for many years for fear of rejection, knowing she could never love him as he did her. After ensuring that the backdoor was indeed locked, he made his own way to bed.

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Elsie had just begun to drop off to sleep when she heard the first rumbles of thunder, each time becoming louder and louder. She had never liked thunder storms and if she was being honest with herself she was petrified of them. As a child she would hide under the covers or even under her bed, then as it became louder and louder she would seek comfort needed to calm her from her mother. Elsie sat up in bed trembling, knowing that she would never sleep through this storm. She decided that she would feel safer downstairs in the kitchen with a nice warm cup of tea. As she climbed out of her warm bed, she placed her slippers on her feet and wrapped her dressing gown around her tightly to shield her from the cold in the room. Just as she placed her hand on the door knob the first bolt of lightning shot from the sky illuminating her bedroom. She grasped the door knob tighter and closed her eyes whilst trying to calm herself down and regulate her breathing.

Almost silently she opened the door and crept through the women's sleeping quarters and down the stairs. As she reached the kitchen she lit a few candles instead of turning on the light as she preferred the soft glow from a candle rather than the bright blinding light from a light bulb. Her hands were still shaking as she lit them, her body still trembling. She made herself a cup of tea as carefully as she could, trying not to drop the kettle or burn herself as the thunderstorm seemed to get louder outside. Just as she was about to lift the cup and saucer from the kitchen side to take a seat at the table, another bolt of lightning shot through the sky causing her to drop the cup back down. Elsie held onto kitchen side willing herself to regain her composure. At that moment she heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Mr Carson, dressed in his pyjamas and slippers with his dressing gown wrapped tightly around his body, gazing at her with concern written in his face.

"Mrs Hughes, is everything ok?" He stepped into the room, resting a hand on the back of a dining chair.

"Y-yes, everything's f-fine." She answered whilst turning to face him, praying that her voice would sound normal but it failed to do so.

He frowned, knowing that something was bothering her, but he didn't want to push her into telling him something that she would rather keep to herself.

Elsie then turned back to the kitchen side to make another cup of tea for Charles, but as she lifted another cup and saucer off the shelf, her hands were still shaking and she knew that Charles would of heard the rattling of the china. He did. Charles was beside her in three strides and took the cup and saucer out her hands, then led her to a chair at the dining table. He went to finish the two cups of tea and bought them back to the table, taking a seat next to Elsie. They sat in silence for a while, sipping their tea, as the storm continued outside. With each bolt of lightning that lit up the room and each rumble of thunder, Charles noticed Elsie visible tense, then continue to tremble anticipating the next loud noise or bright light to fill the room. He realised then that she was obviously scared of the storm and couldn't sleep. He decided to try again to try to get her to reveal her fear.

"Elsie, please tell me what is bothering you". He asked softly.

Her head shot up to look at him, startled by the use of her Christian name. He did it was because he wanted her to open up to him and he had decided to use a less formal and gentle approach.

"It's nothing, I just…"she sighed knowing she couldn't lie to him, "it's the storm, I…i'm scared of the storm." She bowed her head as quickly as she has raised it, to try and hide the blush of embarrassment spreading across her cheeks. However she was too slow and Charles saw her blushing, noticing that it only added to her beauty and it made him fall in with love her even more.

He saw her left hand trembling on her knee and covered it using his right. Not only surprising Elsie, but also surprising himself, wondering what made him make this bold move. Then he realised that he did it because he wanted to, _needed _to comfort her and to try and take away her fears.

She raised her head again to look into his eyes, opening her mouth to say something then completely forgetting what it was she was going to say. She could feel her cheeks becoming warm with the sudden contact.

"There's no reason to feel embarrassed Elsie," He whispered softly, "everybody is afraid of something."  
>As he finished, he noticed a single tear make its way down her flushed cheeks. Just then another bolt of lightning filled the room and Elsie gripped Charles's hand tighter and began to sob. She tried to stop herself but could not, it had been a long tiring day, she felt physically and emotional drained from arguing with Mrs Patmore, the lack of sleep and fear because of the thunderstorm.<p>

Seeing her shoulders begin to shake and hearing Elsie sob, Charles decided to throw caution to the wind and moved his chair closer so he could hold her tightly to his chest, stoking her hair to try and ease her sobs. As Elsie felt him embrace her and stroke her hair she felt a warm glow flow through her, she had never felt so safe and protected and well…loved, although she knew that it was a ridiculous thought and probably furthest from his mind. Little did she know that it was at the forefront of his mind.

Although she had stopped crying she was still trembling, Charles knew that she would find it difficult to sleep tonight with the storm continuing, so he decided to move them to her sitting room where it would be more comfortable. He took a candle from the table and pulled her to her feet and led her to her sitting room, keeping her close to him and only letting go of her hand to open the door then grasping it tightly again. After lighting a few more candles in the room and lighting the fire, Charles sat down next to Elsie on her sofa, drawing her back into his arms whilst placing the blanket off the back of her sofa over her shivering body. Neither spoke, no words were needed as their actions said all that needed to be said, as they held on to each other tightly. After a while sleep claimed them both and in their sleep they subconsciously moved to lie down with their arms around each other.

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**Not sure if I will continue with this story as I'm not sure where to go with it. Any suggestions are welcome and reviews appreciated :) x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to Julian Fellowes.**

**A.N.:** **Thank you so much for the reviews :D I'm sorry I've taken sooo long to update, I found this harder to write than the first chapter.**

The first thing Elsie saw when she woke the next morning was a pair of hands. Their hands. Entwined and resting on Charles chest, moving with the steady rhythm of his breathing. She wished that they could stay like this, together, but she knew that could and would never happen. She closed her eyes again remembering how they came to be together like this. 'How could I have just broken down like that?' She thought to herself. 'On him of all people! Oh you foolish woman.' She felt so embarrassed; she didn't know whether it would be better for her to leave the room now, quietly before he woke to save the uncomfortable atmosphere. However curiosity got the better of Elsie and she decided to wait a little while longer to see what Charles' reaction would be.

Elsie looked towards the window, it had started to become lighter outside, and she knew he would wake soon. She had known him long enough to know that he was an early riser. As she thought this, Charles began to stir beside her, subconsciously pulling her a little closer and holding her a tad tighter. She smiled at this and decided that she would keep her eyes closed; she wanted to see if Charles would leave while he thought she was asleep or stay until she woke. She hoped he would stay, although it would probably be less uncomfortable for the both of them if he left; but she had to admit to herself that if he did leave she would feel hurt at the thought that he could not face her after her behaviour the night before. She lay with her eyes closed for a while, and then thinking that he must still be asleep, she looked up towards him and was surprised to find him awake.

He smiled at her warmly, which made her feel even more embarrassed for the way she had behaved the night before. "Good morning, how are you feeling? Better I hope."

"G-good Morning, I…yes much better. Thank you." She tried to return his smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, as his did. Elsie looked away knowing that she was blushing with embarrassment, feeling the heat spread across her cheeks.

They lay in the same position, holding each other for a while longer, neither one wanting to move from a place they have only ever dreamed of being. Both were surprised at this. Charles thought that as soon as she woke, that Elsie would leave the room as soon as possible, but not before reprimanding him for being so forward the night before. Elsie also thought that Charles would leave as soon as he had woke, thinking he would be embarrassed by her behaviour. However neither moved until the sun began to rise and shine through the window and they both knew they had to leave soon to avoid being seen by the other servants.

"I suppose we had better go and get ready for the day ahead." He said somewhat reluctantly.

"Yes. I suppose we had."

They both rise from the sofa still holding hands, both trying to hold on to the closeness they had gained and both knowing it couldn't last. Elsie let go of Charles's hand trying to avoid his gaze by staring at the old rug in front of her fire.

"I'm glad you're feeling ok now, I…I was worried about you." Charles said whilst trying to stop himself from taking her hand again, knowing that if he did he wouldn't let go. When he woke this morning, Charles thought that he must still have been dreaming it wasn't like he hadn't dreamt about waking up with Elsie in his arms before. But this was real, and better than any dream he had had of waking with her and now he didn't want to spend another night alone without this beautiful woman by his side.

Elsie looked up at Charles and smiled softly.

"Thank you, for last night…I…I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I shouldn't have behaved like that it was silly of me. I mean a grown woman afraid of a storm…" Elsie shook her head and looked away again feeling herself blush with embarrassment at her foolish behaviour.

At seeing this Charles stepped forward and took her hand in his, he felt that he had to make her understand that he felt far from uncomfortable when with her. Elsie's head shot up at the sudden contact and she let out a small gasp. When she looked up to Charles, she found him gazing at her intently.

"Elsie, you could never make me feel uncomfortable. I'm glad that you allowed me to comfort you and please, there is no need to apologies for having fears. We are all afraid of something." He continued to stare at her, whilst his thumb stroked the back of her left hand.

"Are you? I mean afraid of something. I can't imagine Charles Carson, butler of Downton Abbey having fears." Elsie asked smiling softly, not really wanting him to leave.

He didn't know how to answer, should he tell her that his biggest fear was telling her he loved and had done for longer than he could remember? That he was too afraid to lose her and be rejected to tell her?

"Yes." He replied simply.

She could see that there was something he was holding back. "Tell me? Maybe I could help you as you helped me."

Maybe I should tell her Charles thought to himself. Never would they be this close again and maybe she could feel the same, she hadn't ran from the room when they had woke and she had seemed as reluctant as he to move from his embrace. Yes he decided he had to tell her he had kept his feeling locked away for too long.

It was now or never…

**Thank you for reading :) Not sure if I like the way this has turned out, I found this rather difficult to write. I will try to write the next chapter sooner than I did this one :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to Julian Fellowes.**

**A.N.:** **Thank you for the reviews :):) Again sorry it has taken sooo long for me to update.**

_It was now or never…_

But how? How was he to tell this wonderful woman that she had captured his heart years ago?

He could see her looking at him intently, waiting for him to respond. So he led them back to the sofa they had occupied minutes before and slowly sat back down, still holding hands with their knees gently touching.

Elsie began to worry, what was it that Charles was finding so difficult to tell her? Was he ill? Planning to leave Downton? Retire maybe? No it couldn't be any of those he would have told her wouldn't he? Or at least have given her an incline.

"You don't have to tell me if…"She began, but was promptly cut off by Charles

"No I want to tell you, I _need _to tell you." He interjected softly.

Slowly he bought his left hand to her face and gently cupped her cheek. He waited, expecting her to pull away from him and to demand what it was he thought he was playing at. But no such reprimand came, if anything she leaned into his touch still waiting for him to continue.

"Elsie…I don't know where to begin, I've waited so long…" He looked down at the hand he was still holding trying to gather his thoughts.

So long for what she thought. He couldn't mean what it sounded like, it was almost impossible for him to love her as she did him wasn't it? _Don't even think about that Elsie, she mentally scolded herself. Don't go and make a fool of yourself…again._

"The thing I am most afraid of Elsie is rejection, from the only woman I've ever truly loved." He began, gazing at her warmly.

"So you've never told how you feel?" She asked softly, trying hard not to close her eyes and lean further into his caresses of her left cheek.

"I don't know how…" Charles replied.

"Maybe you should show her how much you love her instead"

Charles swallowed hard, well if that's what she thinks I should do then maybe I will he thought to himself. He leaned forward slowly, giving her the chance to pull away if she wished, and rested his forehead against hers whilst his right hand rested on her waist, their warm breaths mingling in the small space separating them.

Elsie couldn't have pulled away if she tried; to say she was in shock would be an understatement. The fact that this truly handsome man actually loved _her_ came as a surprise to say the least. When he released her hand to place it on her waist she felt herself become warm all over as she slid her hand up his arm to rest on his shoulder.

Slowly, tilting his head Charles captured Elsie's soft and supple lips in their first kiss, her hand moving from his shoulder to grasp the nape of his neck. It was a kiss that was full of the love they were both trying to convey to the other, a kiss to dispel all fears of rejection.

"I love you." Charles whispered breathlessly when they had broken apart.

"So long…so long I've wanted to hear those words from you."

Her deep brown eyes brimming with tears Charles pulled Elsie to rest against his chest as he placed a kiss in her hair.

"I love you too." She said smiling into his chest.

**Just a little chapter to finish this story off. Thank you for reading :) I hope you enjoyed it ;)**


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